I admit to being a nervous wreck about my mri the other day. I wasn't nervous the first time until I panicked because of my claustrophobia...but this time I knew enough to be nervous. It's like childbirth....the first time I wasn't all that nervous because what the hell did I know....the second time...uh yeah...nervous. At least you ended up with something fun and amusing after all that though. This? Not so much.
Totally different experience than the aborted mri. We trotted in and got taken to a room where they had me wait, lying down, while I took the Xanax. Took one, laid there awhile...they came in and asked if I wanted another one. I hemmed and hawed and finally said yes. I'm glad I got the second one because even with that I had to reallly focus to keep my mind away from the physicality of the whole thing. I kept wanting to raise my hands and feel the top of the machine....it was hard to fight that urge. I drifted in and out a bit. Ernie was right too...it DID sound like Eraserhead....a combination of that and a few jackhammer highlights...with just a bit of Kraftwerk tossed in. Everybody was lovely though and I got through it fine. They wheeled me out to the car (weird) and Ernie took me home where I ate a sandwich and collapsed and slept for several hours.
The weirdest part of the whole thing....and what made me feel so awkwardly uncomfortable was the fact that I was the one answering the questions and lying in the bed and taking the pills. I am so very used to being on the other side of that. When I am in a hospital I am supposed to be the one sitting in the little chair to the side. It felt very odd. Even Ernie said it felt odd to have our roles switched. It makes me feel very.....mmmm....other....just other than myself....
So Friday we had running around to do....a test for one of the guys (nothing serious..no need for worry). It didn't register on me that since the test was technically in the hospital that we would then have a hospital co-pay. The perky woman at registration said, "And did you want to take care of that $175 co-pay today?" Whoops. Sigh. Yay credit! So we had just enough time to toss said child back home so we could go off to the Spine Institue. The doctor went over the results of the mri and said.....spinal stenosis.
Not what I wanted to hear.
Evidently I was gifted with a smaller than normal spinal cavity...hence spinal stenosis showing up earlier than it generally does. Small spinal cavity. Yeah, I'm such a delicate little thing....why couldn't I just have gotten small feet? The discs in my back aren't bad but I have 'moderate stenosis' in a couple of areas and "moderate to severe stenosis" in one spot. Well, the official report said 'severe' but the doctor wrote in 'moderate to severe' to make it seem nicer I guess. She sat back in her chair and told me, kindly, that I would have back problems and struggle with back pain for the rest of my life. On the positive side she said that my discs are pretty good and that this has probably taken a long time to get to this point so it should progress slowly. I told her that my mother had spinal stenosis and ended up in a wheelchair for the last few years of her life and in constant pain. She just kinda nodded.
I go in on Tuesday to get a cortisone shot and hopefully that will help. Man, I'm missing work left and right lately.
So yesterday? I gotta admit I was not in the best of moods. We listened to Eric Brace and Peter Cooper on WFMT' last night....sitting in the living room in the dusk....it made things much better. I was sorry to miss them at Van's on Friday night but between doctor's appointments and birthday parties and work....we just couldn't swing it. So listening to them live last night was a lovely balm.
Today I hope to shoo my children into the yard for some yardwork and then I pretty much just want to sit out there and read and ponder life and drink some wine. Owen's got band practice and I think he wants to go see Ironman 3. I'm thinking perhaps that would be a nice father son thing as Leo and I would just as soon skip it...or maybe he'll just forget if we don't mention it.....